Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
