fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
