I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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