if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
