I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize