Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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