im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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