We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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