Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
