And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
