lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
