you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
