The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
