i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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