chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
