now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
