look no pants
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
