Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
