I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
