i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize