Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
