dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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