Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
