i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
