im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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