Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
