I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
