Its about making memories worth repressing
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
