I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
