I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
