How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
