I think my fart just growled at me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
