i think i have two assholes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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