I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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