1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
