you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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