Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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