Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
