I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
