Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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