don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
