Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
