as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
