why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
