Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
whose parrot is this?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize