Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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