we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
