I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she told me i tasted like america
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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