I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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