story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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