And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
