remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
