just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
