You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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