Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
