She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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