she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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