Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
