Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
