I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your penis caused this!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
