I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
