Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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