dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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