the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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