it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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