Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
