all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
